I thought about not writing an entry about this but I don't think that I can ever really let this day slide. I'm leaving the post open for anyone who's still reading this journal after all these years. We all went through the same shared experience 7 years ago so let me know if you're still out there.
I remember 7 years ago it was rainy in southern California. I was on the hotmail message board that I used to regularly visit and we were saying that the weather was awful. Little did we know what was happening in southern California at the time.
A few days later, the Cleveland Plains Dealer published an article saying that Jonathan Brandis had died. He had done The Year That Trembled in the area. I was frantic, trying to find information, in contact with other fans. I e-mailed TYTT because they were pretty good about keeping people informed and were open communicators. I heard the news straight from them.
I can never forget these little details. It's been 7 years but in some ways, in a lot of ways, it feels like it was only yesterday. It's so strange that I am where I am now in my life and so close to where he used to live. I pass by his old neighborhood every single day and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.
He really was someone that I felt like I could relate to and connect to. As a fan, I felt the kind of ambitious that he had that was so similar to my own. I was so driven back then and he had a lot to do with that. I don't think that he ever knew that he had an affect on people. People did acknowledge that he wasn't a teen star anymore but he wanted acknowledgment from the creative community regarding that. He didn't get it. But, I believe he was on his way there.
Television has come so far since 2003. Cable networks are thriving and I feel like he could've been part of that.
It's crushing sometimes to go to his IMDB page and no longer see it updated with projects. Sometimes I forget and expect to see something new there and there's nothing.
But, today begins the week of remembrance for him and all the great memories that he gave me. I'm so glad that I have scifi_addict still here on LJ who was very, very much a part of that whole experience. I'm grateful to all those who contacted me here about him and shared so many of your own wonderful, personal memories of him. That means more to me than you would ever know. I treasure those e-mails and messages and I thank you again for giving me just a little bit of that.
Until next year.
The song that I'll forever associate with him.
I just realized that it's September and that means that it's been some
five four years since Queer as Folk ended? Five years, yo. That's a long time. Since I've never been able to let it go then it feels like just yesterday to me. So, because of my inactivity at work, I'm going to have to jump on to that nostalgia bandwagon. Join me for a little while, will you?
- B/J spoilers in the Yahoo Groups (because they had awesome spoilers)
- Andrea's (sandstorm's) site with just the episode clips on them that we got to see ahead of time. Oh man. I was the worst spoiler virgin ever. As soon as I knew those clips were up then I ran to that site and was like, "I'll just look at one ... okay, two. Maybe all of them." I sucked.
- Everyone being secretive about spoiler tapes and yet for some reason like half of us had them. We never told anyone else though. We just knew that we had them and were keeping that to ourselves.
- And with that said ... gotfolk :)
- brianakinney and justintheartist? I was strangely addicted. I hated original characters but Michael Rappaport will always be Brog to me and Ashton Kutcher is Brian's cousin. Forgot his name though. :|
- The fact that Randall never finished The Quiet Men will forever kill me. Well, that and the Season Six he was writing. I shall miss. :(
- Is It May Yet?
- Did anyone go to the summer Babylon events? I went to Ancient Babylon up in Vancouver since you had to be 21 to get into the ones in the States and only 19 to go to the ones in Canada. I got a Qaf shirt there. I was also 19 that year.
- Randy in Wicked and becoming ridiculously obsessed with the musical. My favorite Elphaba is Eden.
Anyone got more?
Almost the six year "anniversary" of when I went to see Peter Paige in La Jolla and Jonathan B. at the premiere of his movie. Oh man. I went through some trauma that weekend. My first time (and last for Jonathan) ever seeing them both and Peter's play was scheduled on the same day as Jonathan's premiere. Thankfully, the playhouse allows you to exchange tickets so I just went on Saturday instead of Sunday. Or one of those weekend days. Crisis averted.
Qaf recap 107 and 109 coming up this weekend!
Isaac Hanson is 28 years old today. That makes me feel old. He was 16 when he first came into the limelight and I think that he's much improved since then. Hanson show in Anaheim was great minus the drama and the pain. I'll think about writing a review for the show but I'd really not remember the things that I'm remembering. Saturday's show was fun because there was a lot of stuff from This Time Around when I stopped paying attention to them. I think the highlight was Runaway Run and In The City. Oh and ever since Saturday I can't get Matt Wertz songs out of my head. Unfortunately, I just want 'Heartbreaker' and it's on his album that isn't available for digital download. Downgrade.
Also, missing Jay Brannan tonight. He's playing in San Diego and there's no way I would've been able to make that show. Well, he'll be back in LA and I'll find something to bitch about when he does come this way.
I have some pictures of how horrible the weather was like on Saturday. Pictures from Disneyland underneath the cut.
( Smoke, smoke everywhere. )
Crazy, right? Apparently our governor has the solution for the victims of the fire. That's a 1.9 billion dollar relief fund. Oh, and I'm sure he's going to sneak more taxes underneath the wire. Okay, WHY did we recall Grey Davis again? I know I didn't. I didn't vote in that crazy election since I wasn't registered but, still.
Luke and Noah tomorrow! Except I don't know if we'll be able to post how awesome it was because of the LJ blackout from 8 AM onward. Good thing I'm at work but I still regularly check LJ. Hopefully it'll be back when it says it'll be back. I do need to blog tomorrow. I'll try to get it in the minute I get to work just in case something goes "wrong". Yes, a complicated life I do lead.
Thinking about you today, Jon. Five years since I found out.
I guess I've been keeping this window open just trying to figure out what to put in here. I thought, "Maybe a picture?" No. "Maybe a picture with the dates on it?" No. "An image of him?" No.
In the end, I'm just going to put this. Another year has gone by and I still find myself typing in his name in the imdb search box and expecting to find a new project listed there. I was so used to doing that five years ago. Five years ago he completely consumed my life. My "goal", my ambition was really to get involved in a project that he's involved in just to be able to say that I've worked with him in some capacity. I think that scifi_addict can definitely attest to my weird outbursts in high school because I really was completely infatuated with him.
Then in September 2003, I finally saw him in person. His attitude just came off as a little arrogant, a little shy, and I was intimidated. I didn't want to hunt him down for a picture or just to meet him. I was too nervous and scared to meet this man that I was completely enamored with. I couldn't do it. He meant so much to me and I was nervous. I said that I'd have plenty of chances to meet him again.
November 17th, I read an article in a newspaper in Ohio saying that he'd died. I only believed it when the producers of The Year That Trembled e-mailed me back and told me that the news was true.
I keep reliving these moments every year during this time because it all feels like it was yesterday. It's the first time that I ever felt that pain and for someone that I didn't know but for someone that I really did admire, deeply. His ambitions were really the same as mine and at that age, being a college freshman, I had high aspirations and ambitions for myself and Jonathan definitely became a symbol for that. With him gone, I felt and at times I still feel lost.
Every year is different and every year I'm at a different place in my life but I can mark those moments with his passing. Five years ago today Jonathan Brandis died and it's something that I will never forget. I'll never forget how much he meant to me, how much he represented for me, how much he impacted the lives of so many people and he'll never know. So, Jonathan, wherever you are, thank you for what you gave me and continue to give me today. I'm thinking about you.