4 AM.

[musicandme]

I wrote a story for the community qaf_challenges on InsaneJournal. Now I'm posting it here. The challenge was to write a story based on a graphic. You can see the graphic here.

Title: 4 AM
Author: amelialourdes
Timeline: Season 1, 3x08
Rating: G
Warnings, if any: None.



Brian learned a lesson early in life from his father: The only person you can depend on is yourself.Jack and Joanie never really paid that much attention to him unless one can count the attention given to him when he was beaten for forgetting to take out the trash or not emptying the dishwasher or the million other little reasons his father used to beat him. Sometimes Jack didn’t even need a reason to beat him. With a bottle of liquor in hand, he would just walk up to Brian or wake him up in the middle of the night, screaming about something that didn’t have anything to do with him. What would follow that screaming match are memories that he wishes he didn’t have.

Joanie didn’t do anything to protect him. She claimed that there was nothing that she could do and Brian used to tell himself when he was younger that he took the beatings to protect his mom and his sister. When he got older, he knew better. He wasn’t protecting them from shit and he had enough of it.

As much as he tried to avoid the beatings, even when he was a teenager, he couldn’t escape them. He tried staying at Michael’s place for days at a time but Debbie would always eventually send him home when Brian’s mom told him he had to come home. Brian figured he’d only have to put up with it for two more years and then college would give him some freedom.

College did provide him with freedom. From there, he worked his way up to becoming a successful advertising executive.

He didn’t think that he’d be facing old demons when he’d met that twink on Liberty Avenue. How did he get so deeply involved in that kid’s life that he agreed to let him stay at his place? There weren’t enough hours in the day to think about that question. What he knows now is that Justin’s sleeping next to him but not soundly. In fact, he doesn’t think that he’s sleeping at all.

Tonight, Craig had finally had enough of his son playing queer and took it out on Brian’s face and his ribs.

Brian flinches at the memory of first being punched and then kicked in the side. His breath hitches in his throat, releasing it slowly until the pain eventually begins to subside.

“I’m sorry,” he hears Justin beside him, awake. These words he had heard earlier tonight as Brian had been observing his face in the mirror. This time though, he doesn’t tell him that ‘sorry’s bullshit’.

“Go to sleep.” Brian closes his eyes again to try to rest but the pain’s too great.

It’s too familiar.

--------

Sometime during the week, Brian picks Justin up from school with every intention of sending him back to his parents’ house. After the encounter with his mother and the mess at the loft, having Justin there on an even temporary basis is impossible. Brian’s space is Brian’s space and it’s only meant for him. Having Justin there is an invasion of his privacy and solitude.

When they arrive at Justin’s house, Brian takes a seat because Jennifer insists on having him there while they speak to Justin. The conversation goes well. It’s a typical scolding of a child by his parents until Craig begins to speak.

There’s a tone in his voice that Brian immediately recognizes. It’s a tone of hatred and disgust for the way that his son has begun to live his life.

Brian watches the way that Justin reacts with shock, surprise, and anger. If Justin glances over, he would have seen only a look of anger on Brian’s face.

The treatment that Brian’s own father bestowed upon him has been weighing heavily on his mind since Justin’s father punched and kicked him on the ground. Images of his father’s face only inches from his own before he gave him a black eye flashes through his mind several times as Craig speaks. The rage begins to boil inside of him until he finally speaks up on not only Justin’s behalf, but his own.

There’s no way that he’ll allow Justin to be raised in this kind of environment because he knows it too well. After this moment, if Justin continues to live in this house, he may become subject to violence (according to Justin his dad’s already hit him once), he’ll have to hide who he is, and in the end, he’ll end up going to Brian’s loft anyway just to find solace from the torment of every day life.

Brian shouldn’t have brought him here but he’s trying to remedy it. He takes Justin out of there and doesn’t look back.

--------

Brian drops Justin off at the loft and then leaves to congratulate Michael on his promotion. The day has been long and resurging memories of his own past has left him feel vulnerable. Not to mention, he is beginning to form a headache because of the realization of what he’ll be coming home to: a teenage runaway.

As he opens the loft door, he sees the familiar sight of Justin at the stove but this time the kitchen remains clean. He’s set the table for a dinner for two and Brian inwardly sighs. It’s a romantic scenario set by an idealistic teenager. Because of everything that they’ve endured today, he’s going to allow it to slide.

Sitting across from Justin, eating jambalaya that does taste better on the second day, memories of Brian’s childhood are beginning to fade. The punches, the slams, the hits, the words came back with those several punches from Craig but the pain will eventually fade away just like it always does.

Blue eyes connect with his across the table, a moment of understanding and peace between them. Having Justin here may not be as bad as he thought.

Comments

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

Aww, what a bittersweet illustration of Brian's inner thoughts during those episodes.

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

I really wish that we could've seen more Brian or even had more Brian flashbacks to his childhood. Even though I enjoyed the subtlety of the references he made, a little something more would've been nice. Then again, I'm talking about Cowlip trying to make something "deep" and "meaningful" and that's kind of ... impossible, ha. Thank you! <3

[url-girl.livejournal.com]

Eeeee! I keep meaning to get over there and read this, but hadn't made it yet, so I'm tickled its here now. :X

“I’m sorry,” he hears Justin beside him, awake. These words he had heard earlier tonight as Brian had been observing his face in the mirror. This time though, he doesn’t tell him that ‘sorry’s bullshit’.

“Go to sleep.” Brian closes his eyes again to try to rest but the pain’s too great.

It’s too familiar.

Lovelovelove this. Even if it makes me go :(.

Brian watches the way that Justin reacts with shock, surprise, and anger. If Justin glances over, he would have seen only a look of anger on Brian’s face.

It gets me that Brian is watching Justin closely. ♥

Having Justin here may not be as bad as he thought.

HEE. Oh, Brian. You'll see. Youuuuu'll see.

Lovely fic, hon. :X :X :X

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Eeee! You read and made some commentary!

Lovelovelove this. Even if it makes me go :(.

For some reason in my head, B/J always has to live in angst and they can't move on to that super happy place. One day I'll write happy fic but that day is not today.

Lovely fic, hon. :X :X :X

Thank YOU for the super awesome comment! <3!

[on-the-ground.livejournal.com]

This was great.. very nice job!! ;)

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3!

[sakesushimaki.livejournal.com]

Because of everything that they’ve endured today, he’s going to allow it to slide.
<3 Best explanation there is for this crazily kitschy scene.

Love the bridge you made between the asshole dads, and there were some other great thought impetuses in here.

And once again I'm left wondering if it was ever really mentioned (or hardcore implied) that Jack used to beat Brian. It is a plausible assumption in any case, but I wonder if there's specific scenes that seal the deal? Oh well, I'll just have to pay extraspeshul attention when we reach the episodes with Jack focus during our recap. :)

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

<3 Best explanation there is for this crazily kitschy scene.
Hee! Thanks! I've always thought that that's why it happened and plus, he was just totally beat up and who has the strength to deal with kicking him out at that point? He already said he could stay.

In the following episode, it was mentioned by Brian that that Jack had hit him after he'd "had a few". I can't think of anything in between that time but in Season 5, there was that really long speech by Brian saying that he had an abusive father and an alcoholic mother. Oh, damaged Brian.

[sakesushimaki.livejournal.com]

Omg, right! How could I forget about the "My mother is a frigid bitch, my father was an abusive drunk" speech? And I actually don't remember Brian telling that Jack used to hit him after he had a few. Bad fan I am.

Gracias!

[amelialourdes.livejournal.com]

I think that that's the only part of S5 that I repeated over and over again. To think that Brian Kinney admitted to all of that was surprising but it didn't feel OOC. It was good times! Not for Brian but for us. :) No problem! No bad fan status for you at all.